I’ve been tested. Immediately. I’ve been up for 22.5 hours now, and drove across the midwest from Stillwater, Minnesota to Westminster, Colorado. I enjoyed the ride (except for the part where I was in a construction zone I could’ve bypassed and had to go to the bathroom).
The whole way, I listened to Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and resolved to attempt classical stoicism for my dealings with people.
Upon reaching my house in Denver, I parked the truck and trailer in front of the crotchety old woman’s house across the street, ferried my things from the truck to the house and unlocked the door.
The smell that reached my nose was hard to place at first. Then it hit me. I mean it really hit me. Waves of garlic, stale sweat, unwashed dog and cumin wafted in. Then I detected a hint of marijuana. None of these things are smells that a sleep-deprived Luke wants to run into after being away from home for a year.
I had been expecting someone there. My dad mentioned that he had a scuba friend who would help out and wondered if I minded if she and a girlfriend stayed there. I said of course not.
When I arrived, I found there was a tiny mowgli-aged girl child sleeping on the couch.
No problem! I’ll just go downstairs to my nice bed, with the clean sheets.
Nearing the door, I heard a dog growling and then it hit me. For the first time, I could totally empathize with Papa Bear.
“Somebody’s been smoking pot in my kitchen.”
“Somebody’s been stenching up my house.”
“Somebody’s been sleeping in my bed! And there they are?!?”
So far, the count is not two women. It’s a woman, her boyfriend, their daughter (I hope), their dog, and possibly the other woman.
I reclaimed the futon mattress from the top of my bed and a pillow and hunkered down in a free room.
I’m not sure if it’s the delirium talking, but I’m pretty sure I’ve decided to find this funny. Though, I’m a bit worried that protocol might demand I eat them all up.
PS. I even found cold porridge left out in the kitchen.