Lucas Weismann

On How to get what you want.

- Lucas

In life there are three ways to get what you want.

1) Adjust your expectations.  You can’t always get what you want, so one of the ways you can is to realize you want what you have.  That’s a good aim in situations where you need to adjust your expectations.  I want to fly by flapping my wings, but since I have no wings, I need to adjust my expectations to fit reality.

2) You have to know what you want.  This is sort of the literal version of a lot of the “manifesting your bliss” type advice you hear, but this doesn’t have the lens of spirituality.  Here’s the deal:  In life, there are opportunities around you all the time.  Most of us are too busy with little things in life or don’t know that we might want something and so we’re not looking for it.  Then those opportunities pass us by and we missed our chance. 

We can flip this script.  By knowing what you want and focusing on it for a few moments (as a starting point not an end).  You start to notice the opportunities around you.  The clearer you see what you want, the further from you your desired end can be and still exist within reach.

To one using their logic backwards one could think:  I really, really wanted something to eat as I walked down the road and ‘lo I manifested the apple tree as I came around the corner.  No.  No you didn’t.  You used the desire of nourishment to focus your mind and prime you to see food as you came across it.

In fact, if you’d broadened your mind to include grubs and crickets, you might have eaten sooner (principle 1 in action).

If you had desired specifically a pear, you might have walked by and thought the apple not worth your time.  Sometimes gaining what you can now with the apple, in order to keep yourself going until your pear arrives is the best option. 

This is obvious in the case of a hungry person and food.  Less obvious when the ends we seek become more complex.

3)  Set a goal.  This is taking steps down the road toward a known likely end.  In example 2, we’re still opportunistic and so, it’s a matter of chance whether you’re going in the right direction.  Perhaps you walked the wrong way and found only twigs and branches or a desert.  More on goal-setting in an upcoming post.

Asperger’s Moment of the day: Why Do You Think You Shouldn’t Be Judged?

- Lucas
Everything you do will caused you to be judged by people who see it. No matter who you are. So what? Why do people think they are unique this way?
 
Hell, there’s a very good chance I’ll be judged for posting this. Possibly even by you the reader. And you should judge people based on the evidence they provided.  And then when they provide you with more evidence, you re-judge them.  Obviously.
 
So here’s what I propose.  If you are going to post something on the internet, pretend you’re in person.  If you would’t do it or say it with someone in person, don’t do it online.  Anything public is not controllable.  Most people will be kind people unless you’re very unlucky.
 

If you’re wondering why this is clearly something that is provoking a response from me, it’s because I have Asperger’s Syndrome.  No, let me rephrase that.  I have Asperger’s Syndrome and have developed fairly good coping strategies for dealing with Neurotypical (read: non ASD individuals, like you know… normal people)

And for you out there who have survived or gone through some trial (read: everyone).  The specific trial I’m talking about is the one where you go through much of your life unable to relate to people and in a well-meaning attempt to make friends end up alienating people at random and being unable to tell why.

 
Why because all of the Normal (read: people who just “get it” when it comes to nonverbal communication) don’t even realize there’s something to get).  This is where the few true friends who are able to recognize what’s going on and are kind enough to help you with your situation come in.
 
Step 1: awareness.  Realize people are going to comment on what you do.  That’s their right.  If (when) they notice something, they will comment on it.  If you say it in person, they will let things slide.  If you record it, they will have the time to go over what you said and see if it actually makes sense.  And uncomfortable as it is, this is actually a good thing.
 
Sharpening your rhetorical skills is not a bad deal for you.  If you constantly make ad hominem attacks in your defense of some greater good you aspire to, rather than dealing with your detractors, people will call you on it.  
 
When they do, they’re giving you an opportunity (generally without realizing it) to make you harder, faster, better, stronger.  No one likes receiving correction.  Particularly unsolicited correction from people who disagree with us.  But if you’re receiving it, there are a few options- 
 
1) ignore it.
 
2) look at it critically and examine yourself
 
3) cry about it to friends over a beer, or your beverage/dessert of choice
 
4) stop posting things on the internet if you don’t like being criticized.
 

No where here is the option for you to spout off with some opinion and have people just not react.  No where is there a “Butters” for you to just get the good comments.  Public Space is not Safe Space.

Because we have freedom of association, of course we can set up spaces of like-minded sympathetic individuals to help support us in difficulties.  They are friend groups.

 
That is not what public space is for.  If anyone can go there, consider it public.  You have no expectation of the following in a public space:
 
1) privacy – you’re not at home.  Pretend everything you are doing is being recorded.  It probably will be in a few years anyway, might as well get some practice in now…
 
2) Safety – some people are assholes, it would be nice if they are and some places are safer than others, but no. if everyone can be there, so can the “bad” people.
 
3) not having to be confronted with something that offends your sensibilities – in the United States the KKK and the NeoNazis have the right to set up their bullshit stupid protests, but you know what?  That means that when conservative christian groups are offended by my swing dancing, I can do that too!  It also means that the LGBT+ community have (or should have) the right to have pride parades that offend other people.  This is a good thing.  Unfortunately that means that sometime you’ll see something you don’t like, maybe even have to have awkward conversations with your kids if you have them.  Guess what?  That’s what you sign up for when you have kids.
 
4) freedom from ridicule and criticism – This is awesome.  It means that we don’t have to respect other people’s ideas.  This is counter-intuitive, but that’s why awesome protests like the “God Hates Figs” counter-protest to the Westboro Baptist Church are allowed.
 
You might think that someone should do something about this state of affairs.  Someone should make it so you don’t have to see something you don’t like.  Well, guess what?  YOU can do something about it.
 
What can you do?
 
Well, you can stay at home and not watch television or be around people who disagree with you of course!  You can stay off of the internet, or at least not read the comments section if you do post something.
 
Alternately, you can take the opportunity to create something you think is special and realize not everyone will agree.  Realize not everyone is nice and that sometimes people will be mean to you, or hit on you, or harass you.  Does that make your message less valuable because some idiot in podunk, Nowhere was a vitriolic prick?  No, of course not. 
 
Use their critique, criticism and hate as selective pressures to sharpen your rhetorical game.  Make airtight cases with no fallacious arguments.  Engage with criticism of your ideas and realize not everyone is a true-believer.  You’ll never win, or win them over if you can’t deal with them as having actual ideas- even if you disagree with them.  If you choose to evangelize, then you have to first treat people like they are people.
 
Plan What you’re going to say before you say it.  Yes, this is actually not planned out, but I don’t really care much about that here.  This blog is mostly for my rough-draft ideas and my regular writing practice.  I’m happy if people read it, but I don’t expect them to.  I also don’t expect people to like what i have to say.  I fall much more on the “coach” end of the spectrum when it comes to ideas than the “camp counsellor” end.  As such, I’ll just speak my current conception of the truth and not try to coddle too much.
 
What should you not do?
 
Feed the trolls:  Trolls exist solely to mess with your day.  They want a rise out of you.  They’re mean, often juvenile (both in age and mental maturity level) and they want to make you mad.  If you engage with a troll, you lose.  Period.  They don’t actually care about the thing you care about, they just want to watch the world, or at least your YouTube/Facebook/Twitter account burn.
 
Turn off the comments: In addition to silencing your critics, you’re silencing your supporters.  You may just find there are people who will come to your defense when someone wants to start trouble.  This can be a powerful rallying-point for your cause if you just allow it to happen.

The Boy Who Shrank and Grew

- Lucas

Once upon a time there was a boy.  He wasn’t the most popular kid in class.  He also wasn’t the least popular kid in class.  One day, for no particular reason that he could discern, he started to shrink.  For some reason no one seemed to notice, but him and the worst thing was how much more effort it seemed to take for him to get back and forth to school.  After all, each step was proportionately smaller, the smaller he grew.  It seemed like he was spending a ton of energy just trying to get to class or move the pencil across the page.

It got bad enough that he was taking shortcuts by riding in a friend’s backpack.  For some reason though, everyone just went on as if the world were normal.  They all seemed to be moving slower and slower and sounded seemed to be deeper than before, but as far as he could tell, he was moving just as much less through time as he was through space.

By the time school let out on Friday, he was no taller than the length of my index finger, right here.  He didn’t feel well and time seemed to drag on as he trudged home to the safety of his room.  On the way there were so many inconsiderate people.  Meteors of cigarette ash as he passed the area where teachers smoked after school, lakes of puddles from the morning’s rain and a morass of mud where it met the trampled soil of the shortcut across Mr. Jorgensen’s yard.  By the time he got home, he was covered in mud and horribly tired.  So much effort and nothing to show for it.  How was he supposed to go through the rest of his life so small?  Even his toys were too big for him.

Using the last of his energy, he managed to climb the bed and make the treacherous leap to his bedside table where his mother had left him a sandwich.  Thankful, he ate his fill, barely making a visible dent in this mammoth meal before lying down on his pillow to take a rest.

The next morning, he woke up about half as large as his usual self, and though it wasn’t quite the same as usual he was feeling a bit more like himself.  When the boy went downstairs he noticed a slight change with each step… no.  Not with each step.  He made a slight change with each noise.  It was the squeaks and then, the light… the bright sunlight was making him shrink faster again as if all of the stimulus from the environment was making him shrink.  Quickly, he ran back to the bathroom and shut the door.  The shrinking stopped.

Worried, he hugged himself tightly and noticed that the security he felt not only stopped the shrinking, but also seemed to help him return (a bit) in the direction of his normal size.  After a few minutes, he felt large enough to reach the spigot on the shower and turned on the water.  The sounds of water had always been soothing for him and so he reasoned that this water would help him to return to his size.

Probably just wrung out, he thought with a smile.  He took off his pajamas and folded them conscientiously before stepping into the warm soothing water.  The boy stayed under the water for a while until banging on the door from his little sister and a cry of “Mo-om!  He’s still in the shower.”  Took a few inches off of his height and snapped his attention back to the world.

“I’m coming out,” he said and turned off the water.  This is not a good deal.  For some reason, this is happening and I don’t know why, but it seems like things that are comforting help me return to norma and things that are discomfortable?  Uncomfortable?  Un… yeah, uncomfortable are making me shrink.

His sister banged on the door again and was about to yell to their mother, when he threw open the door and said “It’s all yours,” but the energy of the false cheer seemed to make him shrink more than his sister’s yelling.

The shrinking wasn’t so bad of course, after all, he got an interesting new perspective on the world.  It was just how much more energy everything took when he “got small” that frustrated him.  Heck, if it wasn’t such a hassle, he wouldn’t mind staying small full-time.  Sure he couldn’t reach anything and everyone seemed to take FOREVER to say anything, but hey, at least he was saving a bundle on food.

Eventually a few people in his life noticed that he was getting small, and they had different reactions.  Some asked him why he didn’t just toughen up, others asked why he wanted to be small and still others (the ones who really matter) told him they’d be there for him no matter what size he was and they’d do their best to help him around.

Of course, there were some things he could do to keep from getting too small too quickly; exercise helped, as did eating healthy, and getting enough sleep.  Eventually the boy would go on to other adventures having learned a lot about who he was and realizing that no matter how big or small he was, it was how he reacted to the situation that determined if it was good or bad.  Crossing a forest of grass (that he’d been unable to get mowed on account of his size) was horrible, sure- but finding a way to surf on the back of the behemoth push mower not only helped him to grow back to size, but also could be quite fun when he picked up inertia.

Eventually, he learned that inertia might be a sometimes solution to the problem of his growing and shrinking.  It did seem true that whenever he shrank, he seemed to shrink more until he was totally shrunk. It was also true that when he started to grow, he seemed to find it easier to keep growing until he was the right size.  Sometimes, he would even get too big if things were going really well.  In those times he had to be careful not to overpower his friends, as the littlest bit of effort and excitement might send them flying.

All through his life, the boy dealt with the difficulties and challenges presented by his body’s decision to randomly make things harder or easier by size.  Whether he thought this was such a bad thing would be hard to say, as it taught him to make friends with people who would help support him and made him better at supporting his other friends who had their own idiosyncratic problems to deal with.

Update 4/20

- Lucas

Heh.  Not that kind of 420 update.  Traveling with either allergies or a cold (haven’t decided which yet),  and no where to be until friday is forcing me to take it slow.  I missed two days of writing and it did NOT feel good.  Possibly one day.  I’m a bit hazy.

However, I’m slowly making my way to prague and I’m hoping I can find enough lemsip, tea, coffee and general soupy things to keep me well through the weekend.  I’m sure that once I’m around people, my pathological need to not show weakness around strangers (especially to remain professional) will cover most of this.

In the meantime I’m headed out to the Chapel of Bones on the border between Poland and the Czech Republic.  Looking forward to it.  Especially since today’s weather is perfect for this particular type of tourist attraction.  Grim, gray and threatening to rain at any moment.  This makes me happy.

I’d love to hear from anyone what strange and wonderful things they’ve encountered on their travels that was either odd, macabre or just unique to the area they visited.  What is it that made it special to you?

More updates in the hopper, talk to you soon!

Luke

On When to Quit

- Lucas

There comes a time an anyone’s life when it is time to stop doing what you are doing and do something else.  Sometimes it’s for obvious reasons like the idea that if you don’t stop it will kill you.  Mostly though, the reasons people quit have nothing to do with that kind of risk.  Most of us aren’t taking the sorts of chances that would lead to this being a likely outcome.

In most day-to-day situations, we quit because of the momentum loss of breaking a habit we’re trying to establish.  Often times when we make a mistake, we end up feeling a sense of guilt or hopelessness that attaches itself like a parasite on to the thing we were doing.  This is not the time to quit.

You are going to screw up.  Repeat this out loud.  (I don’t care if it’ll get you funny looks.  Do it).  I am GOING to screw up.  I am going to fail.  I am going to mess things up so badly that I need to bulk order duct tape and super glue in order to even THINK about fixing it.  Did you say it?  No.  Didn’t think so.  It’s true though.

You learned to walk?  That means you’ve fallen a lot.  I’m sure you probably got back up.  Well guess, what.  You need to be as tough as you were when you were like 13 months old.  Suck it up.  The alternative to tenacity in the face of messing up is misery and death, and sometimes death comes way before we plan it, so having resources as a Brooklyn wrongful death lawyer could help families in these situations.

How do you do this?  I’ve had a few teachers and summer camp counsellors use the “how fascinating” method.  Throwing your hands in the air, taking a big breath and shouting “how FASCinating!!!” instead of beating yourself up is silly, but it can be really effective.  More importantly, you need to lear to forgive the sin and repent.

What repent?  Luke, you adding religion to this?  No.  To sin means to error.  To repent means to turn away from that error (sin).  See?  No biggie.  That means, if you mess up and have dessert when it’s not your “cheat day”, you need to acknowledge it and move on.  No big deal.

This is not when to quit.  This is a minor setback.

***

There are a few times you SHOULD quit what you’re doing and they are as follows.

1) you realize your goals have changed.

2) you realize your actions are not leading to your goals

3) you realize your pursuit is harmful to yourself and/or those around you on a level you’re unhappy with.

You realize your goals have changed

Now is what you’d think would be the most obvious time to quit.

On Returning To Something You Once Loved

- Lucas

Sometimes coming back to something is like coming out of a hibernation.  Take anything, a sport you love, going back to school or even writing. If it’s been a long time, you’re probably feeling aches and pains.  You might feel like you’re moving through molasses or honey.  That’s no real surprise.  You haven’t used those muscles or those neurons in a long time and it takes a while to get back into the swing of things.

After awhile however, things warm up and you’re going to start feeling good.  Really good.  This is something you love after all!  It’s amazing to hit that ball, throw that opponent, or get those words on paper.   You now want to do the thing!  Great!  Don’t go nuts.

“What? But I haven’t been doing anything!  I haven’t gotten off my butt in so long!  How am I supposed to catch up?”

Short answer:  You’re not.  Lost time is lost.  Just accept it.  You had other things that were more important to you at the time.  Video Games, The Netflix Original Series Marco Polo, or some member of whatever sex/gender combination you are attracted to.  Congratulations.  You spent that time.  You’re not getting it back.

The worst thing you can do when re-introducing stuff back into your life is to overdo it right away.  Why?  There are a few reasons:

  1. You could pull something.  Yes, even metaphorically.  You need to warm up before you can be at your old strength.  Sorry, that’s just the penalty you pay.
  2. You might uncover old patterns that lead to your burnout (if that’s why you took a break).
  3. You’re likely to exhaust yourself without having built up a reserve.

Part of your goal now is to build up a habit and make it stick longer than it did before.  Your goal is consistency, not marathon power sessions.  So, here’s what you do:

  1. Limit your time.  Leave yourself wanting more.
  2. Tell people how excited you are to be doing the thing.  People knowing you’re doing something will make them ask you about it when they see you, so telling people you see often will not only make you more interesting than if you’re just gossiping about celebrity nonsense like the rest of the people at the watercooler, it will also make them have something to ask you specific to you.
  3. Set a goal.  Goals come later, but right know just know it needs to have a specific “win” state.  We’ll work more on setting goals in a future thing.

Okay, these are some basic guidelines I recommend as someone who has taken breaks from things I love and returned to them sometimes, years later.  What things in your life do you wish you hadn’t given up?  Which things would you rather do than watch movies?  Maybe try one of them for a bit and see what happens.

Told Tales Volume 1: On Sale Now!

- Lucas

Told Tales Volume 1 has gone on sale at amazon.com and nearly every localized amazon store.  If your country has it, it’s for sale there.

Because of the KDP select agreement, all of the bedtime stories from Volume 1 will be available only via amazon’s various outlets for the next 90 days.  Plans are underway to put together the first paperback edition, so that will be up soon too!

Oh and guess what?  If you have KindleUnlimited, you can check it out for free!

Enjoy and Thank you for all of your support!

Lucas

The Friendship of Fox and Bear

- Lucas

Once upon a time, there were a pair of friends- Fox and Bear- who loved each other dearly.  These two friends met once when Bear was fishing for salmon as bears are known to do.  Bear was strong and Fox was clever and the two would make each other laugh and laugh as they wandered over the wide expanse of the forests of the world.

It turned out however that Bear was not from the same part of the forest as Fox.  For indeed, in those days, the forest covered most of the land and had not been chopped down to make paper and houses and pencils for people to write stories with.

This gave Fox and Bear a great idea. They would travel the wide world together and teach the other animals how to be partners like they were.  For, not only did they share well and enjoy things together, but they both scavenged and each knew where to find food that the other could eat.  That, and they could do it playfully and with panache!

At first, Fox was apprehensive.  How would this work?  It was much more dangerous for her to travel than it was for Bear.  Bear was huge!  Bear, for his part was worried.  He needed so much more food than Fox that surely she would have an easier time traveling than he would.

And so, unable to go farther west (as Fox lived as far west as the Great Western Sea), and not wishing to go North (because like most of his kind, the cold made Bear sleepy), they decided to brave the parched deserts to the South.

While on their travels, things grew difficult for them.  Water was scarce and the heat was quite intense.  After some days suffering like this and surviving and small hares and twigs, they decided to travel only at night.  At first, Fox was disagreeable, for she hated being too hot almost as much as being too cold, but then she saw that it was right and from then on, they sought shade where possible in the high desert.

After some days of this, they managed to find a congregation of creatures by the water’s edge.  Word had gotten around that a Bear and Fox were seen, though the only words they local creatures had for it was Red Coyote and Fat Mountain Lion.  For indeed, there are no bears or foxes traveling in that part of the world, and they had certainly never been seen together.

Well, Fox and Bear tried to show the desert animals how they worked together as friends, but most of the animals didn’t seem to see the point.  Moving through the day was hot and tiring and working together just meant there would be less water for each of them.  How silly of these two to come to the desert to show them how to behave in the desert.

And so, a bit discouraged the Fox and Bear went north to where they knew that bear could find some nice salmon to eat.  Oh and while they were at it, perhaps some blueberries (though fox didn’t particularly like them).

After a few days of travel and once the weather got cooler, they realized some things.  Perhaps their knowledge wasn’t universally applicable.  Maybe they had some specialized understanding that would help them better to survive in their environments.  As with most of their realizations, Fox and Bear both contributed.

Fox got the head start on the thinking, being a quicker thinker.  Then, when Bear understood better, he started to pick up momentum.  It was like their experience in the heat, they realized.  They would never think to avoid the sun in their cool climate where the dryads made sure the trees provided the necessary shade!  Perhaps in an area of no dryads, (or no trees, added Bear), they would need to avoid the sun as being too much of a good thing.

As they walked back North, they thought about this for awhile in silence before either of them spoke again.  Next time would be better.  Next time they would find a way to show the others the advantages of working together.

And so, the two friends returned home to the area where Fox lived on their way to the salmon spawning grounds to try to show their friends what they had learned.  This time, it seemed to work better.  Otter was a bit playful and Chimpunk was a bit squirrely, but in general they seemed to see how working together could make a partnership with attributes that balanced because they were different, not because they were the same.

That’s when Fox and Bear really figured out what made them work well together.  It wasn’t that they believed the same thing, or that they were the same.  No, that tactic worked for the Wolves as they hunted under The Moon’s pale light.  This was an amiable partnership, not of equals, but of equivalence.

Bear provided muscle, Fox provided distraction.  Bear was solid and unstoppable if roused and Fox was a brilliant tactician.  Bear loved to snuggle with Fox’s floofy fur and Fox loved the  way Bear made shade and a sort-of mobile den, where anytime they snuggled it felt and smelled like home.

And so they went on to the salmon spawning ground and many places besides, teaching any who would listen how to be good partners for each other until winter came and Bear went to his rest (as all sensible bears do).  Then Fox went back to her home and they decided to make plans to travel once more, when summer returned to the land.

Free Book Tomorrow on my Birthday!

- Lucas

Okay, SO… In case you missed it before, my book will be free tomorrow. Why? Because it’s my birthday and I really want as many people as possible to enjoy and read it. So, please, click here and get it, when the big day comes.

KindleUnlimited subscribers can get it free anytime though, through their book lending program, so you can get it free today!  Or… if you reeeeally want to pay cold, hard credit/debit for it, you can just buy it now.

No signups for the email list are necessary or will even be required, though if you want to, there’s a link here

In two days – Get Told Tales Free on My Birthday!

- Lucas

My birthday is March 31, so I’m giving away free copies of my book The Djinn’s Heart and Other Stories.  That’s it. No biggie.  No signups for email lists required (though if you want to, you can sign up here), no special link.  Just go to amazon and click on it and get it for free.

If you can’t wait that long, no problem.  It’s only $2.99.  I just thought it would be  a nice thank you for anyone who has been reading my stuff and might want it all in one place.  And I *think* you can gift it to people though amazon too, so if you know someone who might like it, you can get it for them as a gift.

So that’s it. No strings, no mailing list, just a free book because it’s my birthday.  Hope you enjoy!

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